It has occurred to me more than once that hurting is just what we're here to do. As in, all of us. You reading this, me having pecked it out on a keyboard at my desk while at work when I should be being productive, but instead am preoccupied with thoughts of death as life callously passes me by.
A nephew on my wife's side of the family was killed in a terrible car crash this past weekend. He leaves behind a three year old daughter, a child a year younger than my own youngest. I can not help but feel like I am on borrowed time; not that my life will be cut short, but merely that I am often too feeble minded to accept and appreciate the present moment in all of its glory. I am working on it, though.
Each loving glance between my wife and I, each caress of my childrens' hair, each moment of laughter, every philosophical conversation with my oldest, every bite of food, every wave that crashes on the shore, every breeze that cools....I am trying to drink it in and savor it to its fullest. And most importantly, let those I love and appreciate know how deeply I love them.
A film maker I admire, Jon Jost, has a daughter he has been estranged from due to, as I understand it, an acrimonious split between he and the child's mother. As he was not able to see her he set up blogs to write to her about his adventures and share his musings. I sometimes feel like I bother with this blog for similar reasons: maybe one day when or if my own offspring are curious enough to find these posts perhaps it will give them some insight into who I was at the time.
Being a father is one of the hardest jobs I've ever had, but it is always an honor. I take my role as a father very seriously. I have tried and continue to try to be a solid, reliable, loving, and open father to my daughters. I have read through many of Jon's pages for Clara in the past and felt the pain he must carry being denied access to his child. I am grateful for the opportunity to spend my days among the humans I have created.
If you are in need of perspective, please visit https://paginasparaclarinha.wordpress.com/
I would urge you to read the 'About' section if you are so inclined for context. It is heartbreaking.