Heartbreak Always

It has occurred to me more than once that hurting is just what we're here to do. As in, all of us. You reading this, me having pecked it out on a keyboard at my desk while at work when I should be being productive, but instead am preoccupied with thoughts of death as life callously passes me by.

A nephew on my wife's side of the family was killed in a terrible car crash this past weekend. He leaves behind a three year old daughter, a child a year younger than my own youngest. I can not help but feel like I am on borrowed time; not that my life will be cut short, but merely that I am often too feeble minded to accept and appreciate the present  moment in all of its glory. I am working on it, though.

Each loving glance between my wife and I, each caress of my childrens' hair, each moment of laughter, every philosophical conversation with my oldest, every bite of food, every wave that crashes on the shore, every breeze that cools....I am trying to drink it in and savor it to its fullest. And most importantly, let those I love and appreciate know how deeply I love them.

A film maker I admire, Jon Jost, has a daughter he has been estranged from due to, as I understand it, an acrimonious split between he and the child's mother. As he was not able to see her he set up blogs to write to her about his adventures and share his musings. I sometimes feel like I bother with this blog for similar reasons: maybe one day when or if my own offspring are curious enough to find these posts perhaps it will give them some insight into who I was at the time.

Being a father is one of the hardest jobs I've ever had, but it is always an honor. I take my role as a father very seriously. I have tried and continue to try to be a solid, reliable, loving, and open father to my daughters. I have read through many of Jon's pages for Clara in the past and felt the pain he must carry being denied access to his child. I am grateful for the opportunity to spend my days among the humans I have created.

If you are in need of perspective, please visit https://paginasparaclarinha.wordpress.com/
I would urge you to read the 'About' section if you are so inclined for context. It is heartbreaking.
As always,

BCFL

Freeman, Hardy & Willis

Rest in peace, Loren

I did not know Loren well. I interacted enough with him and knew enough about him to realize he was a special, dynamic being, but never really had the opportunity to become good friends with him. He passed away on March 5th, 2017 after a battle against terminal brain cancer. He was loved and respect by many. I wish him safe passage to the other side, wherever or whatever that may be.

Please honor him and his fight against cancer by listening to that last music he released documenting his Glioblastoma diagnosis and its following radiation and chemo treatments.

https://lorenknack.bandcamp.com/

Loren also made music as Dubbio Nil and as one half of the duo Hydrogen Arm with John David Eriksen.

Rest in peace, Loren.

A poem I left on a photography blog of which I am a fan: My comment is awaiting moderation.

Before I went modular

Going through some old photos and found this one from before I started a modular synthesizer. I sold off all of these to help fund the modular. They were nicer to look at than to play, so ultimately it was not that hard to part with them. I still have my Telecaster which is my workhorse now as it was then. It's just not as visually appealing.

I want to take my kids to see this on our next vacation

Transitional Objects

I will be releasing a tape on Illuminated Paths soon called Transitional Objects. In the interim of recording what I intended on being my next release, The Hours We Passed In Dreaming, I realized I had amassed a rather full back catalog of songs I had not released. Some of these stretch back to 2008 that I had recorded for my former band Facehat and others are pieces I recorded with no intention of releasing at all. Many of these pieces were recorded in times of difficult periods of transition, hence the title. IP will be releasing the tape in edition of 25 which can be purchased from me at shows or at IP's bandcamp page where it will also be available as a digital download. Watch my Facebook for the release which should be soon.

I still plan on doing the Recollected Maneuvers tape at some point and have enough material for another ep while I continue to work on The Hours We Passed In Dreaming, which is progressing, albeit slowly.

If you're here reading this, thanks. In the meantime, check out Illuminate Paths here:
illuminatedpaths.bandcamp.com