Holding it together
And all out weeping
Like the formlessness
Of liquid
Filling in the cracks and crevices
Seeping
Seamlessly from one
Moment to the next
Circling the drain
In the synapses of my brain
Searching my heart
Before time tears it apart
And I acquiesce to the
God of nothing
Having served no greater
Good or purpose
Than the dust that catches
The light as it floats
Through the silence of your room
On a weekday morning
Her death reopened
My wounds of displacement
We’ll never speak again
There can be no replacement
For good or for bad
the ones that had made you
At their hands you had suffered
And that pain it had shaped you
Now I lie in dark rooms
With a lump in my throat
Harder to swallow
Harder to cope
And though it makes little sense
I feel compelled to hide this pain
To continue to mourn someone
Full of guilt and full of shame
I long for the windy nights
You lie in hospice care
I was afraid and alone
But part of you was still there
I’m left with an urge
To visit your grave
It’s a day’s drive away
I’ll get back there some day
There’s a piece of me
In that sky
Wide open, pale blue
Formations of water molecules
Hanging over you
There’s a piece of my spirit
Suspended there
Trapped between
Everything and nowhere
There’s a piece of you in me
The thing that made me be
Degrading increasingly
By degrees
Waiting for you
To encircle, envelope and encourage
Like I could never do
Like I always wanted to
There’s some peace somewhere on earth
A small patch of turf
Next to your son
Steps from bamboo clanging
And swaying in the sun
There’s a piece of me
Back there
A place painful to gaze into
But I am strong enough to care
I will clean your stone
When I visit you there
